Highway to Hell

Are We the Waiting?

Well, here I am again slightly depressed after a couple drinks, but not enough to be intoxicated.

I need to find some confidence.

All I want is Love. Is that too much to ask?

Diamond Eyes

http://austin.craigslist.org/mis/1734168765.html

I'm kind of phoning it in on this one, but occasionally you come across something you can't help but post.

May the 4th be with you

Pulmonary Archery

There is an old saying that refers to individuals becoming their parents. I'm not really sure if it's true or not, but I don't believe I'm old enough to know or understand yet.

Best friends and ex-girlfriends have stated that I'm just like my mother. This isn't a real shock because she raised me and it's understandable our personalities, idiosyncrasies, etc. would be similar if not complimentary. I have no issue with this. She is a wonderful, strong individual and I can honestly say she is the only human being on earth I trust 100%. If I become half the person she is, I've done alright.

My father is another story. Occasionally glimpses of him will appear in the mirror. Especially when I have my beard and short hair. It bothers some and elates others to see their parents in themselves because we are either trying to leave our parent's shadow or longing to be in it. To me it's more troublesome than anything. That image doesn't represent something I want to become. Can't really put my finger on it, but something about the Hurst in me just wants to deny everything. It's why I have the name written by a pen tattooed on my forearm. That's all it is to me: a name. Granted, if I fail to procreate a male offspring, the name dies with me so there is the unspoken responsibility there. A dichotomy permanently etched in skin.

Maybe it's because I don't think my father ever wanted a child. He got a vasectomy not long after I was born. One is enough! Quit while you're ahead! I can relate because with every passing day, I don't know if I want children. I've considered a vasectomy now in my youth because it is easily reversed and prevents accidents. Maybe I'm more like my father than I thought...

We Were Giants

Here we go again...

Seems I've entered the realm of jadedfrustratedhelplessness once again which means I turn to you McBloggerson. You can hold my hand while I emote. Perhaps we'll become lovers for a longer period this time. A May-December romance?

It's tempting to just sell all my most monetarily beneficial possessions, pay off my last bit of debt, and be content. Or to sell everything except clothes and a couple boxes and move to the Twin Cities or Portland again. Those are really the only places I would consider outside of Lone Star. Maybe Sacto.

The problem: if I can't be happy here with friends and family, what makes me think I can do so in another city? This is home.

Other problem: I'd just spend my money on something else. Tattoos, beer, and the like...

While my minor money woes may be solved, other abstract matters will not. My stonewall for instance. Or lack of faith in people. Or distrust.

I believe I'm going to give this music thing til the end of the summer. Then I'm selling all my bass stuff and starting the Nova project. I'll have control over the car and can put my creative juices to something. Too many hobbies clutter my mind, but the ones that are purely my own are the most satisfying. People flake out/bail/ignore.

I check the Missed Connections section on CL pretty often hoping one will be about me.

the end

Amazing Artist

http://www.claire-morgan.co.uk/

Check her out.

All The Boys In The Halfway Houses Wave To The Girls Off Emerald Street

Here's a rhetorical question for the ages: why do people do such stupid things for love?

Being of the male persuasion, I can only attest to the stupidity over females, but I'm sure it goes both ways. Things one would normally never do become almost commonplace over love. Animals are purchased/adopted, moves across the country and around the world, nights of no sleep, etc. These are just some examples of the ludicrous actions one takes. The minor things are probably innumerable. Most every guy will tell you the only reason he shaves is for work and women (or men as the case may be). That probably goes for women as well. Think of all the ridiculous clothes we wear and rituals we go through before dates. Pretty sure there would be two outfits for dudes if love didn't matter: suit and sweatpants/t-shirt/flip-flops. The fights which break out over just some quick glances. Helen of Troy? Get my drift?

Sometimes even more extreme are the lengths one will go to keep said mate. What is usually considered unacceptable will slide. Think of all the on-again/off-again relationships out there. Or the cheaters of the world who are given a free pass. Or any number of other indiscretions allowed.

Not to get things twisted, I'm just as guilty as the next person. I can't begin to think of all the movies I've seen that I had absolutely no interest in seeing, but viewed anyway because of a girl. Hell, quite a few of the things I've mentioned above are things I do regularly. I have a glass heart tattooed on my chest for God's sake. Why do you think I'm writing this post?

I'm well aware of the scientific/animalistic basis of all this. Peacocking and the like... We are supposed to be the most intelligent species on earth, and yet we still resort to the most primal of actions. Perhaps we should return to the good ole days when you just clubbed someone on the head. Okay, that was a little misogynistic, but you get the point. Most of this probably stems from some deep desire to appease our mother/father or whatever Freud would say.

I need an ending. Blarg.

Born and Braised

It seems as though the need/desire to blog is lost when I am *relatively* content. My need to emote electronically disappears. Relatively of course because there are aspects of my life that need altering in minor and major ways.

That being said, my short term life plan begins today. Distancing myself has brought clarity in some form and I'm embracing.

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