Highway to Hell

Are We the Waiting?

Well, here I am again slightly depressed after a couple drinks, but not enough to be intoxicated.

I need to find some confidence.

All I want is Love. Is that too much to ask?

Diamond Eyes

http://austin.craigslist.org/mis/1734168765.html

I'm kind of phoning it in on this one, but occasionally you come across something you can't help but post.

May the 4th be with you

Pulmonary Archery

There is an old saying that refers to individuals becoming their parents. I'm not really sure if it's true or not, but I don't believe I'm old enough to know or understand yet.

Best friends and ex-girlfriends have stated that I'm just like my mother. This isn't a real shock because she raised me and it's understandable our personalities, idiosyncrasies, etc. would be similar if not complimentary. I have no issue with this. She is a wonderful, strong individual and I can honestly say she is the only human being on earth I trust 100%. If I become half the person she is, I've done alright.

My father is another story. Occasionally glimpses of him will appear in the mirror. Especially when I have my beard and short hair. It bothers some and elates others to see their parents in themselves because we are either trying to leave our parent's shadow or longing to be in it. To me it's more troublesome than anything. That image doesn't represent something I want to become. Can't really put my finger on it, but something about the Hurst in me just wants to deny everything. It's why I have the name written by a pen tattooed on my forearm. That's all it is to me: a name. Granted, if I fail to procreate a male offspring, the name dies with me so there is the unspoken responsibility there. A dichotomy permanently etched in skin.

Maybe it's because I don't think my father ever wanted a child. He got a vasectomy not long after I was born. One is enough! Quit while you're ahead! I can relate because with every passing day, I don't know if I want children. I've considered a vasectomy now in my youth because it is easily reversed and prevents accidents. Maybe I'm more like my father than I thought...

We Were Giants

Here we go again...

Seems I've entered the realm of jadedfrustratedhelplessness once again which means I turn to you McBloggerson. You can hold my hand while I emote. Perhaps we'll become lovers for a longer period this time. A May-December romance?

It's tempting to just sell all my most monetarily beneficial possessions, pay off my last bit of debt, and be content. Or to sell everything except clothes and a couple boxes and move to the Twin Cities or Portland again. Those are really the only places I would consider outside of Lone Star. Maybe Sacto.

The problem: if I can't be happy here with friends and family, what makes me think I can do so in another city? This is home.

Other problem: I'd just spend my money on something else. Tattoos, beer, and the like...

While my minor money woes may be solved, other abstract matters will not. My stonewall for instance. Or lack of faith in people. Or distrust.

I believe I'm going to give this music thing til the end of the summer. Then I'm selling all my bass stuff and starting the Nova project. I'll have control over the car and can put my creative juices to something. Too many hobbies clutter my mind, but the ones that are purely my own are the most satisfying. People flake out/bail/ignore.

I check the Missed Connections section on CL pretty often hoping one will be about me.

the end