Can You Feel the Love Tonight?

I believe most bloggers think their respective writings rarely get read, if at all. For me, the blogosphere is a way of purging ideas, emotions, musings, and what not; mostly emotions obvi. No huge revelation there. Others use weblogs for poetry/photography/art, but regardless of medium all users secretly long for approval or, at the very least, some clue of readership.

What's been alarming in recent weeks is the outpouring of support/empathy from friends, some I've not spoken with in years, who've echoed similar thoughts and feelings. Quite a few coming from concern for my well-being. I will take this line to assure everyone my sanity is 100% intact. While I don't really consider myself the voice of the common man, certain universalities ring true to all. Pain, euphoria, suffering, love, lonliness, yadda yadda yadda... It appears I'm merely tapping into it.

I had actually planned on making this entry a long, elaborate high-dive plunge into the abyss of human psyche, but it seems I've hit a mental road block of sorts. Here's how I'll leave it: Thanks to all who have shown their support and love over this difficult time in my life and I know my boundaries are limitless.

Weak ending. There's an amusing vid of a guy falling at the end of this post. Normally I wouldn't stoop to this kind of humor, but the guy is a bass player so I can relate.

August Burns SHRED!!!!!!!!

Woe of Tyrants

Well, my jobless phase continues. Although, I am in a band that's getting paid so, for now, it is my job. 4/6/8 hour-a-day practices are getting to me though. My fingers are really starting to callous up and standing-thrusting-posing-headbanging takes it's toll.

That's it for now. More later.

The Wal-Mart Virus

One of these nights

Last nite realism hit me. Most friends were working, had plans, or doing something that didn't interest me, so by midnight I was home in bed. Reading. On a Saturday night. It was the first time in a while I really longed to be in a relationship again. There is an indescribable feeling/comfort from just lying in bed, drinking a nice Cab, and reading with my significant other. I wanted it last nite.

I created the goal for 2009 to stay single the entire year in order to solidify what I want in a woman and truly enjoy life. To make friends and not worry about Love. I've never been single longer than 6 months, which explains the single-one-year-goal. It also indicates how desirable/important having someone is to me. There's a reason I don't stay single longer than a few months: I like being in a relationship.

So now what?

we are the end

I hate that my own issues/insecurities are limiting my ability to associate with old friends. My emotional struggle (which creates a physical one) means I can't hang out with people who conjure up memories of lost love. I'm already scared of going out to public places and having an encounter. Even the view is enough; nausea and uncontrollable shaking arise to a crippling degree. A new start means rebuilding bridges and mending scars, but the path is paved with suffering and I don't want to travel it again.

So this is the new year?

Building up New Year's Eve was a mistake, because I was let down. Not an awful night, but not one for the scrap book. 6.5 out of 10. My realist tendencies should have overtaken the temporary optimism I acquired, but I tried something new since Austin is a fresh start.

The highlight was seeing old friends for dinner at Saba. Good friends and good food are a reminder of priorities in life. The rest of the night was forgettable.

Although, with 2009 comes my resolutions (if you can call them that) to start working out again/put on a some pounds, pay off my truck, create music, stay single the entire year, come to a decision about school, and get a job. Quite a few tasks in there, but when you enjoy them it isn't a burden.