March Madness

After recovering from debauchery last night, I lazily flipped from channel to channel this early afternoon looking for something to fall asleep to. I settled on college basketball because nothing could be more sleep inducing and I only get 5 channels with my HD antenna. As I was watching this particular game I realized I know almost nothing about the sport anymore. Not a huge deal considering I only like football except that I played b-ball in middle school. I used to have enough knowledge to actually compete. Not only that, I knew teams, players, coaches and the general ins-and-outs of the game. Now I despise it.

Why is that?

Mr. Sparkle!!!

This is a committed Simpsons fan.

Red Light

I have voids. Emptiness that can't seem to be filled. None concurrently anyway.

Heart.
Musical soul.
Career.
Friendships.

Family and health I've got. Guess 1 out of 3 isn't too bad.

They Have Always Been There

That feeling came again tonight. After our set, I watched the headliner and at one point the loneliness/helplessness/pessimism crept over me. Middle of the crowd of 75+ people seeing live music (although not my favorite kind) and I just wanted to be as far away as possible.

I longed to be alone to wallow in it.

Friday the 13th

A couple days late, but it's still this weekend.

Face The Thing That Should Not Be

I took a step in the right direction last night, but I'm not sure at what expense. I read a blog entry. Only one. A harmless, short one. No real significant topic buried in the lines other than the doubt/uncertainty we all share draped in nomadic desire and a longing for contact with acquaintances miles away.

The words brought back past joy in their simplistic elegance and spoke to me the way they always have. I thought about the shortest distance ever separating two souls once(or never?) connected and longed for the mindheartsoul meld again. The unspoken, abstract, label less bond two sometimes share. I wondered how often, if ever, the minds of formers ponder each other simultaneously and if this is the exception.

I wanted to anonymously comment: I miss you. Maybe a generic text? Fear, doubt, and uncertainty intervene.

Being able to read with no stomach churning/throat lumps/uncontrollable shaking was comforting and indicates progress, but no closer to clarity or closure am I. Time marches on to heal those wounds...

Counterparts and Number Them

I really wanted to post something positive tonight, but I sat here for a good ten minutes and every topic/subject/issue had a negative spin to it or was super lame so I'm resorting to reference:

Bad Tattoos Are A Dating Dealbreaker

This article was taken with a grain of salt considering the source and I would have ignored it completely, but I could not let the mention of flaming skulls and bleeding hearts go because I'm an 'offender' of both images. Sometimes I think I'm picky and shallow; this site confirms that females are as well.

Another weak one, so here's a video of kittens on a Roomba:

We Are The Sound

There have been some occurrences as of late. Certain indirect encounters that've caused those seeds to sprout once more. A friend's rendezvous downtown that became a 'run-in'; a certain concert that undoubtedly was attended and the plethora of individuals who accompanied; the couple necking at the hardcore show at Emo's on Saturday.

What sparked the recent resurgence was the open discussion and reality that on any given weekdayhour I could come face-to-face with what I fear most. When brought up, that awful feeling rose from my innards and the throat lumped up. Since then, it's been a recurring irk in the back caverns of my cranium. Spacing out on the edge of the pit pondering my errors and staring at the ceiling as the sun rises realizing that my standards are too high and the search is futile. Then I think about how I've still got a year plus(if lucky) before I'll be completely past these gut wrenchings.

Simply put, my high speed positive outlook hit roadspikes.

Additionally, I wonder if the friends made were ever really 'mine'. I recently read an article about how break-ups bring with them the complication of dividing mutual friends. Didn't really happen that way for me because I made the choice to start over and eliminate any possibility of drudging up bad feelings. However, it seems as though I was just passing. A footnote, if you will. They were her's before me and her's after. In hindsight, I don't know how things ever clicked. Maybe because I just kept my mouth shut. Interests shared seem relegated to drinking, proximity, and college. For example, I'd rather see 100 other artists than Broken Social Scene and Elliot Smith is probably the last dead musician I'd resurrect to perform one last time.

That's enough emo for today, kiddos.