In my original post I stated the emo entries would be kept to a minimum, but it's hard when feeling depressed and the glowing screen of a computer monitor and blog are at your fingertips. As previously stated, I have no one else to converse with. Well, I do, but they are a thousand miles away or don't wanna talk. The alternative is drowning sorrows with alcohol and wallowing in self-pity, but doing it alone seems pathetic. Although, it sounds appealing right now and I'd be lying if I said I'd never done it. Maybe tomorrow night I'll be pathetic.
I almost walked out of work today. I was grinding teeth. Dealing with the public in a retail setting can be frustrating to no end. The addition of constant knots/butterflies in stomach (maybe heart is a better organ to describe it), hating the job, and a headache just amplify the problem. It would have been therapeutic, but only temporarily so. Besides, I'm already known as the "scruffy guy who never smiles." Adding 'loose cannon' to my description sure wouldn't help.
There are thousands of movies, books, songs, and albums that confront the subject of heartbreak. My therapy albums are Taking Back Sunday's Tell All Your Friends and Weezer's Pinkerton. Excluding the Asian fetish in the latter, they ring true for me. There is a comfort I can't get from human beings. Something about the lyrics. Guess I'm a simple-minded fool for letting such childish emo lyricism be meaningful.
Along with 'scruffy' and 'never smiling', 'jerk' and 'asshole' are titles I'm given (see previous post). I put up walls to prevent people from getting too close so I don't get hurt. It's comforting and moving every 5 years growing up always made me the quiet, new kid at school so I didn't smile much and only spoke when spoken to. Case in point: after 25 years, I only have 2 close friends. When I do let someone in, I inevitably end up getting hurt. Disrespect or heartache or whatever.
Alright, I'm done. All the balloons have finished falling on my pity party.
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